Pinocchio The puppet who dreams of being a real boy. He must learn to curb his mischievous ways if his dream is ever to come true. He’s kidnapped by the evil Puppetmaster Viscard.
Geppetto The toymaker who makes Pinocchio. His efforts to be a good father are often thwarted by Pinocchio misbehaving. He’s a kind and thoughtful older man.
Azzura the Blue Fairy Brings Pinocchio to life. She is a powerful fairy and is caring and kind-hearted.
Dianora da Luca The traditional pantomime dame. The local schoolmistress and neighbour to Geppetto. Has been married multiple times but hasn’t given up hope of finding a new husband. Her efforts to sing a song are repeatedly thwarted by other cast members. Audience participation required.
Raffaele The principal boy. He’s been in love with Florence since childhood and is a great friend to everyone. Heroically captures Viscard and helps save Pinocchio.
Viscard the Puppetmaster The baddie. A sinister and creepy man who’s determined to own Pinocchio and become rich and famous. Has a hatred for everybody but especially children!
Florence The principal girl. A sweet natured girl. She’s in love with Raffaele. Helps Raffaele defeat Viscard and save the day.
Ladro the Cat An incompetent criminal down on his luck. Together with Fennec the Fox he kidnaps Pinocchio on the orders of Viscard.
Fennec the Fox Partner in crime with Ladro. Safe to say he and Ladro are not criminal masterminds!
Lampwick Part of a comedy double act with Candlewick. Physical comedy required.
Candlewick Comedy double act with Lampwick.
Grillo Performs the opening lines of the pantomime and is then employed by Azzura to look after Pinocchio but fails miserably.
PC Carrabini The local uniformed Police Officer. Overworked and slightly camp.
Angelo the Ringmaster The circus ringmaster. A small but important part.
A school classroom. Dianora dressed as a School Mistress enters, followed by Pinocchio, Raffaele, Grillo and a few chorus members all dressed in school uniforms.
Sound Effect (Grange Hill Theme tune)
Dianora Settle down children. Go to your desks and sit down. (Looking around) Where’s Lampwick and Candlewick, has any one seen them?
Chorus 1 No miss.
Dianora Well that’s detention for them when they do get here. Now Pinocchio as this is your first day at school, I’ll give you an easy test to begin with. Think of a number between 1 and 3.
Pinocchio I can’t, I always have a nap between one and three o’clock. Pick another time.
Dianora Let’s try another. What was Gandhi’s first name?
Pinocchio Who?
Grillo (excited, putting his hand up) Oh miss, miss I know that one. It’s Goosey, Goosey!
Lampwick and Candlewick enter performing a waltz.
Sound Effect (Vienna waltz (Johann Strauss)
Dianora What are you two up to, waltzing in here at this time? Go and sit down immediately.
Lampwick gives Dianora a lollipop.
Lampwick Miss, this is for you.
Dianora How kind of you.
Dianora licks the lollipop.
Dianora (still licking) Oh it’s delicious. Where did you get it from?
Lampwick My dog found it in the gutter!
Dianora (instantly stops licking) You disgusting boy.
Lampwick laughs hysterically.
Dianora Stop laughing, that’s wasn’t a very nice thing to do. You’re not funny at all!
Candlewick (pointing to the audience) Well they’re all laughing, they think I’m funny.
Dianora There’s nothing funny about making people laugh! (Aside to audience) And I should know I’ve been doing pantomimes long enough! (To Lampwick) Go and sit down over there.
Dianora points to a bench. The bench is a trick bench that has been made so that it tips up when the second person sitting on it stands up. Lampwick sits on the bench with Candlewick.
Dianora I’m going to give you a test to see who’s the brightest. Pinocchio as you’re new you can sit this one out. Raffaele, Grillo and Candlewick come here.
As Candlewick stands up the trick bench tips up and Lampwick falls to the floor.
Sound Effect (A loud thud)
Dianora Lampwick, stop messing around and get up off the floor.
Lampwick Miss it wasn’t my fault.
Lampwick sits down in the middle of the bench staying upright.
Dianora (to Raffaele) What is two times two?
Raffaele 194.
Dianora (shaking her head, to Grillo) What is two times two?
Grillo Thursday.
Dianora (perplexed, to Candlewick) Do you know what two times two is?
Candlewick Now let me think. That’ll be four.
Dianora (elated) That’s right. Now tell the class how you worked it out.
Candlewick Simple. I subtracted 194 from Thursday!
Candlewick, Grillo and Raffaele sit back down. Florence enters dressed in school uniform.
Dianora (to Florence) You are late! You’d better have a good excuse for turning up to my class at this time.
Florence Sorry Miss. It’s the script writer’s fault. I was in the last scene and I wasn’t given enough time to change into my new costume.
Dianora Not good enough. Your homework will be 100 lines of ‘This is the best Pantomime I’ve been involved in’. Now sit down next to Raffaele.
Florence (sulking) But that’s not fair!
