Hansel. Gretel’s older brother who’s very protective of his sister but even he can’t save them from the evil clutches of Grotaboggatt the witch.
Gretel. A kind hearted girl who looks up to her brother Hansel. She becomes Grotaboggatt’s slave when she and Hansel are captured by the witch.
Jacob, The Woodcutter. Hansel and Gretel’s loving father. He is ashamed at being so poor he can’t feed and look after his children. He has a good heart.
Dorothea. The pantomime Dame, she is also Hansel and Gretel’s kind step-mother. She makes the decision to let the fairies in the forest take care of Hansel and Gretel with disastrous results.
Grotaboggatt, The Witch. An evil witch who befriends Hansel and Gretel disguised as an old woman. She imprisons Hansel and makes Gretel her slave. She intensely dislikes all children.
Grimley. Grotaboggatt’s assistant. Tries to be a sly and cunning ally to the evil witch but doesn’t succeed.
Argan. The Principal Boy. An intrepid adventurer who travels the globe righting wrongs. He bravely attempts to rescue Hansel and Gretel when they end up in the clutches of the evil witch.
Gallen. Part of a comedy trio of wandering minstrels that assist Argan in finding Hansel and Gretel.
Tuskin. A wandering minstrel. Has a bad habit of repeating the last word or two spoken by Gallen, much to Gallen’s annoyance.
Otto. Another wandering minstrel, the silliest of the three minstrels.
Allura. A female Fairy, sweetness personified.
Willow. A female Fairy.
Murlock. A trainee male fairy who is trying to gain his wings but is hampered by the fact that he fails at everything.
Grimley (to Grotaboggatt) Ah there you are.
Grotaboggatt (to Hansel & Gretel) This is my lodger Grimley. (To Grimley) Where have you been, you’ve been gone ages?
Grimley Well you said you wanted a plank, so first I had to cut down a tree then drag it all the way to the lumberyard, wait for them to cut the trees into planks then bring it all the way back here. But why you need a plank is beyond me.
Grotaboggatt I don’t! Why would I need a plank?
Grimley That’s what I want to know. Why send me out for one, if you didn’t need one in the first place.
Grotaboggatt I didn’t.
Grimley You did! You said and I quote ‘Grimley go out and bring me back a plank’.
Grotaboggatt A plant! I said I needed a plant to brighten up the house in case we had visitors and by a happy coincidence we have, so please welcome our guests.
Gretel (to Grimley) Hello I’m Gretel and this is my brother Hansel.
Grimley Yeah, yeah, whatever. (To Grotaboggatt) So what am I going to do with this plank now?
Grotaboggatt I could suggest a few things but as there’s young children in the audience, I’ll hold my tongue!
Grimley puts the plank down.
Grimley All that work for nothing. Although I suppose it wasn’t a completely wasted trip cos whilst I was at the lumberyard, I saw a parrot that kept saying “Who’s a pretty boy, who’s a pretty boy”.
Grotaboggatt So? Lots of parrots say that.
Grimley Yeah but this one was stuffed!
Grotaboggatt (To Hansel & Gretel) Don’t think you’re seeing things, I assure you you’re not, Grimley really is as stupid as he looks!
Grimley looks hurt.
Gretel (to Grimley, comforting him) We all make mistakes, don’t worry about it.
Grotaboggatt He was a mistake from the minute he was born. Do you know he’s a bilinguist?
Gretel (impressed) Really?
Grotaboggatt Yes, he speaks English as a second language and utter nonsense as a first!
Grimley Why are you so awful to me? All these things you’re saying, I can’t believe my ears.
Hansel (looking at Grimley’s ears) No I can’t either, they’re huge!
Grotaboggatt Grimley also has a bad foot.
Grimley (looking confused) No I don’t.
Grotaboggatt Yes you have.
Grotaboggatt stamps on Grimley’s foot.
Sound Effect
(Loud thud)
Grimley hops around the stage in pain.
Grimley Ouch, ouch!
Grotaboggatt (to Grimley forgetting her disguise as an old woman) When we get inside go to the naughty step until you learn to understand my orders better.
Grotaboggatt quickly reverts back to her old woman disguise; she turns and faces Hansel and Gretel.
Grotaboggatt Please excuse my manners there. What must you think of us? (To Grimley) These adorable children were just coming in to enjoy one of my famous chocolate milkshakes.
Grimley Chocolate what?
Grotaboggatt stares threateningly at Grimley.
Grimley Oh yes, right, one of your famous chocolate silk snakes.
Grotaboggatt Milkshakes, dummy!
Grimley What’s a milkshake? I’ve never heard of one.
Gretel (to Grotaboggatt) But I thought you said you were famous for making milkshakes.
Grotaboggatt Yes, yes, I am, just ignore him, he’s a little confused. (Taking Grimley to one side) Shut up, you’re ruining my plan! (To Hansel & Gretel) We’ve talked enough, let’s go in the house and get to know each other a little better. Now hurry up, come, come. You’ve nothing to worry about, nothing at all.
Grotaboggatt sneers to audience to encourage them to boo her, she and Hansel then exit.
Grimley (to Gretel) Hey you there boy, give me a hand with this plank.
Gretel looks around her.
Grimley Boy, come here and help me.
Gretel looks around again, then back at Grimley who’s staring intensely at her she points to herself and Grimley nods.
Gretel I’m not a boy, I’m a girl.
Grimley Oh, are you? Well, whatever you are, grab the other end of this plank and make yourself useful.
Together Gretel and Grimley pick up the plank and exit.
